It’s been an interesting week. Hectic. Lots of ups and downs. There are moments when writing when I breakthrough, glimpse something that excites me. The moment hangs, I enjoy it while it lasts, and inevitably it wanes. Then you go back to the keyboard and the answers aren’t forthcoming…you struggle, find it tough, look for something that will push you through, and it’s not there. The only way to find it is to keep pushing.

A few personal revelations for me this week. There’s a pressure to write here, to get something in for the next week’s tutorial. It’s easy to be dissuaded. You find yourself in panic - what the heck am I going to write?! You scour some books, read lots of stories, try to let an idea percolate. It’s such a pressure cooker and you’re learning so many things it’s easy to be overloaded by information. Suddenly you’re doubting your ability. You forget how to structure a sentence. Is this too much info-dumping? Am I using dialogue for backstory? Have I given my character enough agency? You find yourself paralysed so you look at how other authors have done it, trying to remember, get some guidance. That’s where it happens. You’re seeking confidence in someone else’s style, but not your own. Bang! You’re out.

I’ve tried a few things this week. Had a few false starts with stories. And I realised, about two days ago, that I was trying to write like how someone else might do it. Not me. I was trying to live in the traditions of the greats, forgetting to bring that uniqueness of my voice to it. It didn’t work. I wrote, sure, I wrote lots in fact. But when I look at the words after a few days grace they don’t ring true to me.

I’ve started two new stories this week. One, called ‘Forget’ and the other, unnamed. Both are science fiction. There’s about 3000 words to ‘Forget’ and it has a plot thicker than strong black coffee. I’ve written it thinking about each paragraph, without trying to pull together sentences that I think follow the conventions. It’s a subtle difference, but a big one.

In some ways I came to Clarion to write so much in a short timeframe that I’d refine my voice (cliché, sure, but true). And it’s easy to lose. Stop writing for a few months and you’ll get rusty by the time you sit back down to the page (not you, I mean ‘me’, I just like writing ‘you’…it’s easier to write to yourself when you say ‘you’). It’s taken me a week to get going.

The other thing I’ve noticed is I love writing in the first person. Gives me a real sense of setting, of the character, of where things are headed. I don’t think I’ll write another third person perspective story while I’m here. First person is underrated.

So, as Frasier Crane say - ‘thanks for listening’.